Facing The Past
by ChainGangHottieWithKillerLegsx
Summary: How would you feel if you moved hospitals to avoid the love of your life after a mishap occured you are faced with the reality of a surgeon you both know well is going to be performing a operation on her? Will you be able to move on or will you be stuck facing the past and get your happy ending you want? Jonny/Jac, mentions of Sacha/Jac/Michael friendships.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: So I read a fanfiction recently by, Clouted Cankerblossom!**_

_**And it inspired me to write this... even if it is not a One-Shot, I set myself a time limit of ten minutes per chapter.. So Here goes.. x x x**_

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He had been asked to perform surgery at Saint James.. Michael Spence, did not want to be here, He thought Holby had so much drama and relationships that had broken up in the past six months not that he knew the half of it, he only knew about his own affairs to be honest, he had asked who his team would be at Saint James for the operation he would be doing today and Mr Hanssen had said Nurse Maconie, and part of him believed he'd been betraying a friend, an old and long time friend, but Nurse Maconie was good at his job from what he had heard, and you don't argue with the director of surgery when he gives you a team, but what would _she_ have to say?

He didn't think much of Miss Effanga, even if Nurse Maconie did, this was his surgery, Michael Spence, believed he was a surgeon that could reign in his emotions whether he or they liked it or not, and the worse part of his job was not knowing who his patients would be on a daily basis.

He was happy to operate on most people, but today was a different day, his patient had requested him, and him alone, he didn't know why as his patient today had Endometriosis, and it was not something he specialised in, but she wouldn't be treated in Holby, as it was home turf, but yet she stil wanted a home turf consultant, someone she could rely on, someone she could trust knowing her it would either be him or Mr Levy, because of friendships, which the previously stated woman had a lack of except them, as sad as it was.

The patient was a consultant, a Cardi thoratic suregon, she knew the ins and outs of the job which made the position in worse, many people believed she was the ice queen. And to be honest even now, to Michael Spence who had known her for at least four years she was, she didn't portray many emotions, she kept things close to her chest.

He looked across to the tall, dark haired Scottish nurse who he knew from Holby a while before, _"Can you ring Mr Levy for me, he is my patient's next of kin" _Now he knew why she had asked him to operate instead of Sacha, he was _her _next of kin, he was a good friend, maybe only friend except from him to her, he even partcially understood her choice.

The Scottish nurse raised an eyebrow, _"Is it his daughter?" _Michael completely forgetting Nurse Maconie knew Mr Levy's background.

The next words that came out of Michael Spence's mouth would be critical, not that he knew why, as he had no idea why Nurse Maconie had moved hospitals in the long run, apart from the fact the Scottish Nurse was in _love _with a certain Consultant , yes he knew Miss Naylor and Nurse Maconie had previously been an item, he had no idea how much the nurse had been talking to right now cared about the red headed consultant he would be treating soon enough as she was on her way in

. "_No, it's worse than that right now, Mr Maconie, it's Miss Naylor..." _He explained, the shock on the younger man's face said it all.

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_**A/N 2: Please Read And Review x x x**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you for your reviews, they mean so much to me! :)**_

_**So here's chapter two for you lovely people x x x**_

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"_Nurse Maconie, are you still with me?" _I looked up being brought out of my own thoughts of her by Michael Spence's voice, he was waiting for me to pick up the phone, to call Mr Levy like it was going to be easy, simple almost, well it wasn't, I didn't have a problem with him, it was just how was I supposed to say her name after all this time just like that? How could I pretend that this was going to be ok?

Jac Naylor, was here in my hospital, she was so close to me, it had been six months since we'd pushed each other to the limit and I ran away here and she remained there, obviously I heard her name around here, most people feared her, some disliked her, some gossiped about her, but they all respected her, they too thought she was extremely talented and beautiful, just like me.

"_Yeah I'll get right on it" _I say battling to keep any emotion out of my voice as I replied, walking away from the staffroom we were in and heading towards the Nurses Station. I hadn't seen her yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time until I did.

I knew she was hiding something from me, before I left Holby, I had to leave, there was no way I could stay, I couldn't be anywhere that reminded me of _her_. I clearly hadn't gone further enough away as she was still around, she is the reason I moved here even though I lied saying it wasn't but my best friend Mo could see right though my act, I couldn't stand to be near her knowing she didn't trust me enough to let me in then and I doubt she'd let me in now, Mo, my best friend she transferred with me, I told her she could stay at Holby, I half wanted her to just so I had a reason to go back, maybe just so I could see her again, but she said no, she said she'd dragged me to Holby so she'd tag along with me here.. but I didn't want to see Jac like this, I had always hated seeing her in pain.

I had to stop being soft, this was still the same woman who broke my heart time and time again by not letting me in, she always pushed me away, even from the first day we met at that stupid people skills course, where I felt the need to lie to her, just to get her to look at me and it was almost like heaven while I had her for a brief moment, but I remind myself I never really had her.

"_Michael is this really necessary?" _I heard her familiar voice not too far away, it wasn't angry, cold or distant like when she used to talk to me at work, it sounded more friendly, but it was exasperated, she was annoyed the tone was evident in her voice, _"I can go to the bathroom by myself, I am not a invalid and I don't need a chaperone ok?" _Seeing the door across from me that was already ajar open wider, there she was, she still had her long fiery red mane, she looked fresh, stunning even more than before, but something did worry me, looking at her I could tell she had lost weight, not a lot, but it was visible, it was something a lover would notice, I wondered if Michael noticed, I heard she had requested him, but why him?

What was their relationship status, and why did it bother me?

A voice inside my head was telling me I already knew the answer to that.

"_Well fine then Miss Naylor, Nurse Maconie can accompany you if you don't want me to..." _It was only then I realise she had actually noticed my presence, as her eyes made their way over to me, and I could practically see her walls build straight back up as she uttered one singular word, _"Fine" _as she brushed past me towards the bathroom area.

I forgot how fast she could walk when she annoyed or angry, I wasn't sure why she had the right to be, it should be me that was, in that two minute walk she said nothing to me, I sigh as she pushes open the door and goes in, why did it have to be so hard?

As I wait outside wondering why she's here? If she was that critical why would Michael let her walk around? Ok, yes she had me watching her but surely if she was that bad Michael himself would be with her. I was curious as to why she was here, I couldn't help myself. Why did we need to call her next of kin in, I wasn't shocked it was Sacha, I knew that he was a friend of hers, and I also knew she didn't have many of them, but with the way she acts- like an Ice Queen can you blame anyone? But I remind myself I saw something beneath that cold, hard exterior, something that was Raw, vulnerable, almost human.

The door opened and she resurfaced once more, her bright green eyes lock with mine, everything else fades away, the people rushing by, the noises in the background dimmed, I don't know what it is that she does to me, I can't quite put my finger on it, what is it that draws me back to her every time.

"_I called Sacha by the way" _I say to her as she starts walking away back to the ward, I just wanted her to talk to me, acknowledge me, not just look through me like there was never an us, even if really there wasn't, someone really needs to tell my heart that.

"_Thank you" _It sounded genuine enough, nothing like the voice that spoke me to before uttering the word fine. Once again I find myself wondering about her, I don't know what it is that she does to me, I can't quite put my finger on it, what is it that draws me back in every time.

_"Jac, why didn't you remind me? I would have got here sooner.." _I heard another familiar voice from Holby pipe up the second we arrive back on the ward, the taller, broader man held his arms out and envoloped the red head into his arms, she looked like a child in comparison to him. _"Sacha, I'm fine" _She responds to him instantly still in his arms which shocks me as Jac Naylor didn't do physical contact or emotional, social things with other people, and hugging was a definite no no with her , but something in the way he looks at her tells me she is definitely not fine

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review x x x**_


	3. Chapter 3

_******A/N: Thank you once again for your great reviews :) **_

**Thank you so much for your support!**

**Here is chapter three, it's a song-fic chapter using Rihanna's Stay... x x x**

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It started out as fun, how did things go so wrong? I wondered silently, as I could feel his eyes burning into me as Sacha pulled me in for a hug, something I was not accustomed to doing.

We joked.

We teased.

We loved.

Then it all got real, a little bit too fast, my illness, me pushing him away, the lack of trust I had in people and almost in myself, it was always be my poison.

_**All along it was a fever**_

_** A cold sweat hot-headed believer **_

_**I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," **_

_**He said, "If you dare come a little closer."**_

Moving out of the bear hug Sacha had placed me in, I walked back into the room, knowing full well Sacha would follow and I knew his eyes would be on me, I didn't want to see him, it was a painful reminder of what I had done to us, to him, to me. He was the first person since Joseph that I had fully started to want to let in, but something within me wouldn't almost couldn't let him in.

I wanted him to stay, my body ached for him to stay, but my heart is, was too damaged I don't know any more, all I know is everything people say about me must be true; Abandoned, Damaged, Unloved, Unwanted, Worthless.

It was true, because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was him, a life we could have been leading if I hadn't lied to him, if I hadn't become a cheating, heartbreaking bitch, he said he'd forgiven me, he wanted a new start, and so did I, I honestly thought he'd stay.

But maybe my mother had the right idea, she abandoned me, Joseph had the right idea, he left me and clearly Jonny had the right idea as he ran away, he couldn't face the sight of me.

_** Round and around and around and around we go **_

_**Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know  
**_

_"Does Jonny know why you are here?" _I heard my oldest friend ask me the second we were out of his eyeline.

_"No" _I respond bluntly, Jonny wouldn't care.

_"No? Do you not want him to understand? Because Jac I've know you for a long time now and you are miserable, and I think that it is related to a certain Nurse" _I can hear Sacha's words floating on my head, and I really can't handle it. Not now.

_"Sacha stop" _I say softly, looking into his eyes, I can see them soften, as he moves towards me.

_"Jac, please just think about it, I know you care about Jonny and he cares about you too.." _He almost says it in a whisper, but I heard all his words, how I longed for them to be true, I did care about Jonny, course I did, even if I was pig headed, that was something my heart allowed me to believe and know otherwise this wouldn't hurt so much.

_"Sacha" _I say in a voice that is soft and weak, something I am not, and once again, he hugs me, this time I don't fight it, I allow it to happen.

_**Not really sure how to feel about it. **_

_**Something in the way you move**_

_** Makes me feel like I can't live without you.**_

_** It takes me all the way. **_

_**I want you to stay.**_

That is when I hear someone clearing their throat a few minutes later, _"J- Miss Naylor I need to take some bloods" _He is there, the tall, muscular, dark haired Scottish Nurse, the one who has the ability to make me fall, in more ways than one.

I was sitting back on the bed at this time, Sacha muttering about something that had happened on the ward with Chrissie earlier, he shot a look between me and Jonny, _"I'll be outside" _He says, subtly was not his strong suit, and I was not ready for this, but I couldn't faulter, not in front of him.

_**It's not much of a life you're living It's not just something you take – it's given**_

_"Are you ready?" _I heard him ask me gently almost unsure.

_"Sure" _I say positively.

_"I promise I warmed my hands already" _He responds, and I couldn't help it, it was an involuntary laugh remembering all the times I'd scoulded him for placing his cold hands on me when we were together.

_**Round and around and around and around we go**_

And he smiled at me.

Everything came flooding back, like I'd been hit by a bus.

_** Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know**_

_"You are lucky Miss Naylor, you're my last patient of today" _He says after he has taken my bloods, part of me wanted to ask him to stay but I said nothing, _"You should try and get some rest, you've had a long day" _And I think this is why I think I fell for him in the first place, apart from his cheekiness, and that he got me out of that stupid people's skills course Hanssen sent me on, and he was definitely good in bed,in so many ways, his hand lingered on mine briefly and our eyes met once again.

_"I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Naylor" _He says quietly as he walks out the room leaving the door open behind him, just outside of my room door he greated Sacha, _"Sacha visiting hours will be over soon, but if you want to stay I can pull some strings for you" _I could feel some of my walls falling down around me, he knew how to make the ice fade.

I didn't know what it was about Jonathan Maconie, but I loved him, maybe Sacha was right did he still care?

Or was he just being civil?

_**Not really sure how to feel about it.**_

_** Something in the way you move **_

_**Makes me feel like I can't live without you. **_

_**It takes me all the way. **_

_**I want you to stay.**_

I felt my heavy eyes close soon after Sacha said he had to go, he had Chrissie and Daniel, they needed him too, but he said he'd be back tomorrow before he goes on call, and he'd try and come back when he got off call too. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, I had a good friend in Sacha, I always knew I could turn to him if I needed too, well him and Michael too, and I used to have Jonny...

_**Ooh the reason I hold on**_

_** Ooh cause I need this hole gone **_

I felt a stabbing, excruiating pain in my lower abdominal area the second I opened my eyes, trying to bite back a moan from the pain, I placed my hands around my stomach almost to comfort myself, I had no one and that was all my fault I knew that I had broken Jonny, but I'd broken a part of me too.

_**Funny you're the broken one but **_

_**I'm the only one who needed saving**_

_** Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving**_

_**Not really sure how to feel about it.**_

_"Are you ok?" _My head shoots round instantly at the sound of an all too familiar voice, he was here, _"Jonny w-what are you doing here?" _I ask, I felt nervous, he'd stayed, why had he stayed?

_"Jac, what did you think I was going to do? It's been six months and I've heard nothing off you and then one day bam, you reappear out of nowhere looking as beautiful as ever and_ _I-" _I heard his voice trail off, did he call me beautiful?

_"What?" _I ask him, I half wanted to hear what he was going to say and the other half of me screamed out to tell him to leave.

_"I need to know you are ok" _He replies softly, his voice sounds broken.

_"Jonny" _I say his name, it feels so right, but I don't want to talk about it.

_"Jac, what ever it is you can tell me..." _He starts to speak before I cut him off, I didn't want him to be nice.

_"Jonny please don't" _I notice he is about to move away from the side of me towards the foot of my bed where my notes are, it will say what I'm in for...

_"Jonny you are going to hate me..." _I say as calmly as I can.

_"More than I already do?" _His words stung me like a bitch, but I deserved them

_"Yes.." _I answer honestly, I pause briefly to regain some composure, some of my walls, I notice his eyes have diverted off me, and onto my notes.

_"You have endometriosis" _He says warily, he has his eyes shut, it's now or never, I didn't want to see the pain in his eyes when I said this, playing with the thin blanket on top of me, I carry on, _"I'm having a laparoscopic hysterectomy in the morning" _I could feel hot wet tears dripping onto my cheeks, I didn't look up to meet his gaze, I couldn't.

I'm damaged goods to him now.

_**Something in the way you move**_

_** Makes me feel like I can't live without you. **_

_**It takes me all the way.**_

_** I want you to stay, stay.**_

_** I want you to stay, oh.**_

I know hes's going to leave.

People always leave.

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_******A/N 2: Please Read and Review x x x**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thank you once again for your reviews and feedback! **_

_**Here is chapter four for you lovely people x x x**_

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I my closed tired eyes shot open at her words, I'd never seen Jac cry in the whole time that I known her, which in fairness yes wasn't long, but it felt like a life time, she was having a hysterectomy...

Why would she not tell me?

How long had she been planning this for?

Did she know when she pushed me away at Holby all those months ago?

"_Jac" _I say her name in a vain attempt to get her to look at me, I needed to know, I wanted answers from her, but maybe it was the wrong time in order to get any information off her. Moving from the foot of the bed she lay in, I started to move back to the seat I was sitting on before she woke up. Why was I willing to get back involved with her? Knowing everything we had been through in our relationship, it was a turbulent time for us, our relationship if I could even say that, had it's ups and downs.

Yet even though we aren't anything to each other now, why did it sting so much?

Why when she said she was having a hysterectomy did her words crush my heart?

I knew the answer to this, already everyone knew the answer it was blindingly obvious, I was in love with her, even now.

"_Jac, look at me please" _I say as I retook my seat next to her bed, she looked fragile, broken even, and that broke me even more than any words she could say to me would. _"Jac, I-" _I stumble over my words as I take her nearest hand in mine.

She pulls her hand away from mine, _"Don't" _She says in her cold distant voice I had grown accustom to.

"_Jac I don't hate you, I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that" _Part of me knew I wanted to hate her, but part of me actually knew I couldn't, I felt like there was a big black cloud following me around ever since I no longer had her, there was no sunshine when she's gone. Her ability to make me feel a range of different emotions from one second to the next, it infuriated me that she didn't trust me enough to let me in, and I mean all the way in, I wanted to know what went through her mind.

_"Jonny... Just go please" _Her voice starts to sound strained.

_"Jac you can't just say something like that to me and then expect me to leave" _I say honestly, I wasn't going anywhere even if she wanted me to.

_"Jonny, I don't have time or the emotion for this" _It was like a catchphrase for her, I've heard her say it to me enough times.

_"Jac you can't expect me to leave you now" _Well she probably did.

_"Everyone else does" _Her muttering confirmed that fear I knew she had, she believed she was damaged, unloved, unwanted, all because her mother abandoned her and as much as it pains me to say the first man she ever loved left her to, she believed no one would stick around for her.

_"But I am not everyone else Jac, how many times do I need to say it, I love you, I want to be with you" _I felt myself pleading with her, she did something to me that no one else could, and it was something I only wanted with her_._

_"Jonny I don't want you around, how many times do I have to tell you?" _I hated it when she brushes me to one side like I'm nothing, I had to stop being soft with her, I knew she'd thank me for it someday.

_"It's not your choice Jac" _I say confidently, but feeling nervous inside_._

_"What do you mean? It's not my choice, obviously it is!" _She sits up, I can tell she's in pain as her hands instantly shoot to her stomach, one say I wished that's where our child could be.

_"Jac" _I laugh, it's not a funny laugh but a nervous laugh_ "Jac, please, just stop shutting me out!" _I raise my voice, and I realise I've only ever done that when I've been with her, I'm normally the calm one, why does she have to be so difficult.

_"Jonny, why do you have to this now?" _She asks me like I wouldn't have done it sooner.

_"Jac am I not allowed to care about you now?" _I joke with her, trying to lighten the mood, ease the tension.

_"Jonny, not too along ago you said you hated me, how is that caring about me?" _Clearly she didn't see it as a joke, and I have got under her skin.

_"Jac, I already apologised for that, I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me" _I say honestly, she tries to speak but I cut her off_ "Jac, why am I the only one fighting for us every tine?" _It feels like it is always me doing the running.

_"There is no us" _She responds coldly.

_"Jac.. I'm sorry but I'm not going anywhere you can be a bitch to me all you like but I'm not going to leave you" _I say slowly, carefully, so she knows what I'm saying is the truth.

_"Well I'm going to sleep" _She says, I know I've won this round.

_"Good" _I reply, sitting back in this rather uncomfortable chair.

_"Fine" _she says before turning away from me and facing the opposite wall.

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I must have fallen asleep sometime during the early hours of the morning, I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped up, _"Sorry didn't meant to startle you, I just didn't want to wake Jac up" _It was Sacha, I look around confused, I nearly forgot where I was, _"What time is it?" _I ask as I place a hand on my neck, I must have slept on it awkwardly.

_"Just gone seven, it's early I know, but I had to see her before I go on call, I'm glad you're here Jonny" _Sacha explained.

_"I'm glad someone is, because Jac certainly isn't" _I told the older man who was here.

_"Jonny, you know she cares about you" _Sacha said softly.

_"She has a funny way of showing it" _I scoff.

_"It's Jac's default setting, she's afraid to let anyone in, and can you blame her? Everything that's happened to her in the past" _Why did she always have someone to defend her; Michael, Sacha, Me...

I felt useless because I couldn't help her, because she wouldn't let me in, _"Sacha what hurts the most is, time and time again, I tell her that I love her, that I'm not going anywhere, and yet still she can't let me in. The only reason she told me why she's here is because I was going to look in her notes." _I say simply.

_"I would have told you myself but Jac didn't want anyone to know" _I heard Sacha say quietly and I know he would.

_"Typical Jac" _I roll my eyes sarcastically.

_"Jonny she's terrified, even if she doesn't say it she is, you can tell" _Sacha once again fighting her corner.

_"Then she needs to let me in, Sacha, when I heard the hysterectomy come out of her mouth, you don't understand how much it crushed my heart, Jac was the only woman I've ever loved this much, enough to start a family with and now that's slipping away, her, this life I wanted to have with her, it's all fading" _It's the first time I'd told anyone that, apart from her, I told her about me wanting to have a wife, kids and dog, the whole package, right after she'd told me about her one night with Sean.

Sacha pulled my in for a hug, Jac used to refer to them as bear hugs as the engulf you, but the do make you feel better, little did the two men know that the supposed sleeping red head had heard and seen everything.

Her eyes quickly shut as she saw the two men pull away from each other, _"Jonny, if you really love her like you say you do, you have to stick it out, yeah I know Jac comes across as this cold hearted woman, but you and me both know she's not"_

Sacha noticed her eyes were open, _"Jac, how you feeling?" _I noticed he'd made his way over to the red head's side, she smiled easily at him, she looked beautiful once again, part of me hated the fact that she could be so calm around others but put her walls up when I was around.

_"A little bit thirsty" _I heard her croaky voice, before I made my way over to pour her a class, _"Here" _I said handing it to her, _"Thanks" _She replied alot happier and less frosty than our early morning talk, and I could see Sacha smiling at this scene.

_"Anyway some of us have to get to work, I'll come and see you after my shift ok? And be good and listen to what the doctors say" _To which the red head and Sacha both laughed, before he left. Which left us too sit in what started off as an awkward silence and ended in a comfortable silence as I took her hand in mine once she'd finished her glass of water.

_"See I told you I wasn't going to leave" _I said smiling at her.

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review x x x**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews and feedback on my first few chapters!**_

_**So here is chapter 5 :) x x x**_

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When Sacha had gone, it just left me and and Him... The dark haired Scottish Nurse who ran away to anotheer hospital because he didn't want to be anywhere near me, yet now he seems to be around now,now that I don't want him around to see me like this.

Weak.

Pathetic.

As Jonny sat next to me smiling like an idiot, I felt awful I was a grade A bitch, why did he have to be so kind, gentle, loving and loyal?

Why could I just not let him in?

Did it all stem from my mother abandoning me?

Because she didn't love me enough to stay, nobody could?

Was everything I heard about me right?

Was I far too gone?

Was I too damaged?

I was about to say something, I had to say something I didn't really know what, anything at this point of time would be good, but luckily I was interrupted by one of my friends, Michael Spence, _"Morning Jac" _He said cheerfully, then I saw him notice the dark haired, sexy, Scottish nurse who was still sat at my bedside, and he still holding my hand, even though it felt natural, my first instinct was to pull away from him, but I couldn't pull it away in time, so I didn't bother trying, _"Nurse Maconie, I didn't realise you were on call just yet" _He raised his eyebrow at me suggestively before turning his attention to Scottish Nurse, I wanted to slap that smirk off his face.

"_I just came to check if Miss Naylor was ok, one of the other nurses told me she had a few pains overnight" _I looked across at Jonny he was lying, he'd been here all night and then to Michael who showed slight concern on his face, _"Oh, nothing to bad I hope Jac" _Michael said giving me a once over briefly, _"No, it wasn't too bad" _I responded rather quickly, _"Can we have a quick word Michael alone" _Jonny took the hint and left the room closing the door behind him I could see him standing outside looking at the floor nervously, _"So you and nurse Maconie, hey? Way to go Jac, you can pull even in a hospital bed" _He was teasing me, _"It's not what it looks like Michael" _I try to justify what was going on between me and Jonny, I didn't even think I knew really, _"What? How can you say that, I saw him holding your hand..." _At which point we both started laughing at how we sounded like children.

Quickly changing the subject "_Actually what I wanted to talk to you about was..."_ I didn't know if I should get my hopes up when I asked him this, _"If I didn't want to go through with the hysterectomy, would you tell me I was being stupid to be changing my mind?" _I asked him, because I wanted his honest opinion almost as if it would be reassuring, comforting.

"_No, I'd tell you it would be painful, honestly but... Fine I guess I can say this off the record, I never actually wanted to do this operation in the first place, I only said yes and that I would do your operation because you wanted me to be the one that did it" _Michael and me had a weird kinda friendship, I can remember once upon a time it was a flirtatious thing but now it's just friendship, he's someone I can almost trust.

"_So I won't die if I don't have the hysterectomy?" _I ask him curiously.

"_No" _He says smiling reassuringly.

"_You'll just have to take a lot of medication for the time being, but there might come a day when you might need one.. But I can't tell you when, because it just depends on you and your condition" _He speaks seriously and honestly, that's why we are friends.

"_Thanks Michael" _I say genuinely, smiling.

"_For what?" _He asks rather shocked, I wasn't the type to say thank you or sorry, he knew that by now.

"_For doing this for me even when you didn't want to" _I say honestly, he was a true friend.

"_Any time Naylor, anyway I'll let lover boy back in" _He says jokingly, before pausing for a minute looking at Jonny who still stood looking at his feet and then back to me smiling_ "Um, you do realise that Nurse Maconie isn't actually on shift today you know?" _Michael finishes and by the look of shock on my face he knows I didn't. _"So it's not what it looks like is it hey Miss Naylor" _He says winking at me as he walks out the door, allowing Jonny to come back in.

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I smiled as I walked back into her room, after Michael said I was allowed to go back in and I found her, she was smiling, _"So she knows how to smile?" _I mock her as I walk back towards her, as I could see she fluffed up her pillow and sat upright against it turning back to face me as she heard my voice and footsteps.

_"Shut up, Nurse 'I'm not actually on call today I just stalk patients' Maconie" _I laugh, she was in a good mood, but how do I explain that I wasn't on call and I was still here because I wanted to see her, I wanted to be near her, _"Jac, I-" _I can only get that far before the beautiful fiery red headed consultant cut me off once more, what a surprise, it's something she was good at, in fairness she is good at a lot of things, actually everything she put her mind to somehow she was good at it.

_"It's ok, I'm glad you are here" _I am once again surprised, she never failed to surprise me, then she carried on speaking _" I need someone to wait with me until Sacha can pick me up" _her voice once again, going cold and distant.

As she finishes her sentence I was slightly confused, _"What? I thought you had an operation this morning?" _I had said it out loud I guess it was ok, since I was confused and wanted answers and she replied, _"Um, yeah I was supposed to but there's been a change of plan" _She explains.

"_Why?" _I enquire.

Why had she changed her mind?

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review as always x x x**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews and feedback on my first few chapters!**_

_**You guys rock, hope you like this chapter!**_

_**So here is chapter 6 :) x x x**_

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_"Why?" _The dark haired, Scottish nurse enquired, as he gazed right at me, was it hope I saw in his eyes? I inwardly scoff at my own sentimental thoughts.

_"I um, Michael doesn't want to do the operation" _I don't know why every time I want to open up to him, my mind tells me to stop, I couldn't tell him the real reason I changed my mind, after hearing what he said about the life he wanted with me, it broke something in me, but I needed more than just words.

Actions speak louder than words.

_"Oh" _Is how he responds simply, effortlessly.

_"Sacha should be here soon, if you want to go" _I say as he makes no effort to say anything else.

_"What?" _His head shoots up and finds my eyes, searching for any trace of emotion, _"W-Why would you say that?" _He sounds angry like I'd upset him, like so many times before.

_"Well I'm sure you have plans, seeing as you're not on call today, why spend the rest of your free day in a hospital?" _I ask in a friendly manner, trying to lighten the mood, to show him we could be civil as he once wanted us to be.

It was then I saw that his facial expression had changed, he is angry, why do I always have to shoot myself in the foot?

I just wasn't good at this.

_"Do you have to wait for Sacha to get you out?" _He asks, after he's calmed down for a minute.

_"I guess not, I think Michael just said it as a precaution, I just need to sign his discharge form really, then I'm free to go" _ I explain before stopping myself for a moment, "Um_ Why?" _I venture on, as I realise his eyes are still firmly on me.

_"Because we need to talk don't you think?" _Jonny was being deadly serious, and I honestly didn't know whether I could handle a confrontation between me and him.

I felt it would all come to a head and I might lose.

And I couldn't lose.

Not him anyways.

Not now.

* * *

_"Jac" _I said as I eyed her curiously, sensing it was a now or never move I had to play, _"Please for once can you just do this for me" _I heard her sigh and I knew I had her, the more I infuriated her the more she'd give in, sometimes just to shut me up, but as long as it got me some alone time with her, it was a win-win situation in my eyes.

_"Ok.. Fine" _The red headed, slender woman finally answered after a few moments of doubt, I could sense her walls were still up, but I wanted to be the person who broke them down, again.

_"Great, I'll find Michael and get the discharge forms..." _I say happily, I wasn't going to try and hide my delight that she had said yes to us finally talking.

Jac Naylor doesn't like to talk.

As I walked away, I realised how unique and rare chance this was, and this time I couldn't give up so easily and just walk away.

* * *

I saw that the Scottish Nurse was still here, I wasn't surprised to be honest.

_"Ah Michael just the guy I wanted..." _I heard the younger man say happily.

_"I really don't swing that way Nurse Maconie" _I joke.

_"Haha very funny, no I wanted Miss Naylor's discharge forms..." _He gets straight to the point.

_"So she's decided to not to have the operation then.." _I say my voice practically trailing off.

_"Yeah" _I heard him say before carrying on _"She said you didn't want to do the operation"_

_"Something like that..."_ I say hoping my voice didn't tell him it was a lie, I turn around facing away from him and looking for the discharge forms, Bingo, found them, _"Ok, look it's not my place to say this but, ask Jac the real reason why she didn't want the operation, she's only told you half of the story, she was right I didn't want to do the operation" _I had to tell him, just because I knew the real reason, as much as Jac denied it, as much as Jac tried to push people away, she wanted this man to stay and he needed to know that.

Michael Spence, a romantic at heart, who would have known?

* * *

What did Michael mean by the real reason?

What was the full story?

Would Jac Naylor ever tell me?

Was I clutching at straws here?

It was when I looked at her again, lying in that hospital bed, remembering the pain I saw her wake up in, in that instant I realised, it didn't matter, none of it, the lies, the anger, the pain, the heart break, because I truly loved her now, more than I ever had.

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review as always x x x**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Thank you to the people who are reading, favouriting, following and reviewing this story!**_

_**So here is chapter 7 for you amazing people :) x x x**_

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"_Sign on the dotted line and then you are all mine..." _His Scottish accent brought me out of a daze I seemed to be in as I didn't realise he had come back in, _"Sorry, what?" _I asked him, meeting his brilliant eyes, _"You're discharge forms Jac" _He says waving the papers in front of my face, _"Ah Right" _I answer back simply, like I had completely forgot.

I can sense him watching me as I sign my name on the sheets he had just handed me, I catch his smile out the corner of my eye, it felt good to see him smile again, especially around me, I had long blown that chance, or maybe not as it seems?

"_Do you mind giving these back to Michael, so I can get my stuff ready..." _I ask as I place the papers back into the hand he gave them me from, and smiled at him, and it obviously worked as I saw him saunter off to find them for Michael to sign to confirm I'm being discharged.

As I picked up my bag placing it onto the small, confining bed that I was in, it felt even smaller and lonelier when nobody else was in here, I heard some ones footsteps coming up towards me, _"That was fast" _I half exclaim assuming it was Jonny, turning to face the person I realised it was somebody else, someone I should have expected.

_"Oh Michael I thought you were..." _I said.

_"Jonny" _Answered Michael finishing my sentence.

_"Yeah"_ I answer honestly, I wanted to smile but I didn't.

_"I Know" _He responds casually smiling, which then turns into a full on Michael Spence smirk.

_"Oh shut up Michael" _I say suddenly finding myself being defensive.

_"I didn't say anything" _He says, rolling his eyes.

_"You-" _I start to say, noticing something, more like someone out of the corner of my eye coming towards us.

_"Am I interrupting something?" _We both heard the Scottish man ask curiously.

* * *

_"No" _I heard Michael respond as he tried to squash down what sounded like a laugh, I eyed them both curiously, it put me on edge, her being comfortable around another man, who wasn't me.

_"Michael was just asking me some discharge questions, you know the usual routine" _She says, her voice makes me smile, as it wasn't cold, it was actually a friendly tone.

_"Right" _I say.

_"Right" _She repeats after me.

Sounds just like the good old days.

Michael took the papers out of my hands, he signed them straight away before turning back to us, _"Take it easy, yeah?" _He says to her, and she nods, almost like she's shy, but we all know Jac Naylor isn't shy.

_"I'll see you on Monday anyway.." _Michael carries on speaking, when Jac didn't respond to him, it was only Friday today, I could imagine Jac taking three days off.

_"I-" _She started to say.

_"Jac" _He cut her off, giving her some weird look.

_"Fine" _She relented.

_"Good, see you Monday then, so now I can get out of this hell hole, no offense Maconie..." _He looked at me before he left.

Michael Spence put me on edge and I didn't know why.

_"So lunch? I know you haven't eaten anything..." _I say cautiously knowing she has the habit of flying off the handle.

_"The food is for Cretins in here Jonny, can you blame me?" _I loved the way she said cretins, it always made me laugh.

_"Thanks Jac..." _I said, feigning being hurt.

_"You know I didn't mean it like that" _She said as she rolls her eyes at me.

_"Should we go?" _I asked her, as I picked up her bag off the bed, which I underestimated the weight off, it was surprisingly heavy, for a woman who said she didn't like material things, except her bike.

The vision of her in all leather, it made me smirk.

_"What you smirking at?" _She asked from beside me as we walked down the stairs.

_"Nothing" _I respond coyly.

_"Well stop it then" _Oh just like the old days.

_"Sorry..." _I say quickly.

_"How'd you get here anyways?" _I asked as we reached the ground floor and we walked towards the entrance doors.

_"My bike..." _She responds.

Oh god she was killing me, she had the leathers on her...

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review x x x**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: Thank you guys for the lovely reviews, here's my new chapter :) x x x_**

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I saw the bright lights outside Saint James Hospital, and it was breaking me, to the point that I watched him intently as we stood in silence outside, I wanted to see how this would play out, how he'd actually pull this off... I meant if he could...

_"So..." _I heard him stumble over his words, oh god, kill me now why did I agree to go anywhere with this idiot? Oh yeah I remember because my heart thinks I love him.

_"What?"_ I ask abruptly, I didn't want to hear any of his ramblings right now, I think I wanted some assurance off him.

_"Are you taking your bike or do you want me to drive us somewhere?" _He asks more assertively.

_"You can drive since you think we should talk..." _I say firmly, as I can see a smirk appearing on his lips, now I know why he was smirking, he always said he found me sexy in my leather jacket on my bike, well he wasn't getting that.

_" Ok right this way..." _He says, like I didn't know.

_"I know" _I say walk off in the direction of his car.

* * *

_"Right" _I say.

_"Right" _She says.

Then it was like an impulse, my hands in her red hair, making their way to her face, and I had a fear she'd pull away but it died down the second I felt her respond, her lips tasted tantalising against my lips.

_"Well that was a good talk wasn't it?" _I heard her say as pull away from her, staring intently into her eyes, her bright green eyes staring back at me, _"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind" _I confess.

_"Right" _I heard her respond, _"Not like that Jac, come on, I meant, I really did mean we should talk.. I miss you" _I confess again.

_"I-Jonny" _I hear the red head start to speak.

_"Shut up Jac, I said we needed to talk because we do, I miss you course I do, but I hate how you put on a brave face and push me away pretending everything's fine, when we are a mess! Or maybe you are, and you keep pushing me away, Jac, I need you to you to understand everything I said earlier, I love you and I can't go anywhere without you, I'm not leaving you" _I say honestly, she needs to understand.

_"Jonny" _She says, but I cut her off.

_"Jac, come on what's the worse that can happen?" _I sound like the Dr Pepper advert.

_"Jonny, you want kids, I have a minimal chance of having children and I know you want them, we are not compatible" _Her voice sounded broken, she looked fragile.

_"Jac, we can have children, it doesn't matter if it isn't natural, we can adopt, or like Mo have a surrogate?" _I offer.

_"What if I don't want children?" _She asks, and it slightly unnerves me the way she asks, as if I'll run away, leave her.

_Then I love you. I mean even if you don't want children, I could give that up for you, only you Jac, do you honestly think me ending up at Holby was just a coincidence? I mean especially after that people's skills course, I'm not that sort of guy.. I don't do falling in love.. but I don't know what you've done Miss Naylor, all I can think about is you" _I heard myself gushing, she was going to point blank avoid the situation.

_"Shut up you idiot, you sound like a sap..." _She says, and she leans in and kisses me softly, _"Did you mean it? Even if I-"_ I don't want to hear her broken voice_ "Yes" _I say firmly, and I meant it.

As for the rest of the questions I would have to wait for another day to face the past with Jac, but one day I think we could look back and laugh at how stupid we have been, hopefully.

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_**A/N 2: Please Read and Review x x x**_


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